Who I Am

This family is who I am.

It’s not the only family to be a part of, certainly.

It is not better than any other family.

But it’s my family, and I love them.

This path is who I am.

It’s not the only path.

It is not better than any other path.

But it’s my path, and so I walk it with joy.

This religion is who I am.

It’s not the only religion.

It is not better than any other religion.

But it’s my religion, and so I practice it with reverence.

I am not alone. There are others on this journey.

I have family members, travelling companions, brothers and sisters of the Ummah

who make my life rich, meaningful, and valuable.

Najat knows who he is.

And he knows he is nothing without others.

Allah, in His wisdom, made us for community.

Your Wealth is Not Yours

Stop. Just stop and look at yourself.

Look at what you’re doing, what you’re saying,

what an ungrateful boor you’ve become.

You do not own your home,

your wealth is not yours,

this body does not belong to you.

Your wife is not your property,

your children are not your property.

Your property does not even belong to you,

regardless of what those dusty papers say.

This is Allah’s world.

This is Allah’s land.

These are Allah’s people.

Your wife belongs to Allah, as do your children.

Your own body, loaned to you by Allah’s grace,

will be taken from you one day

and returned to the ground from whence it came.

And yet here you are, strutting like a peacock

and pretending that all you survey is yours.

You are not a wealthy man, but a fool.

Listen to Najat, who owns nothing but wisdom:

You are a wayfarer, a traveler.

You are passing through this world.

You cannot stay.

Any attempt to hold onto any of it will be met with failure,

as your fingers uncurl and turn to dust.

Give glory to Allah, who is a gracious host.

Give praise to Allah, who has lent you comfortable rooms

and provided merry companions for your journey.

Be grateful for His hospitality

and stop pretending that you have a right to any of it.

There is nothing worse than an ungrateful guest.

Allah's Help

Today I am sick and my Beloved offers to make soup until I am better.

I do not want soup.

I want to be well.

I tell Him this and He laughs at me

and offers to fluff my pillow.

He asks me if I need another blanket.

I ask him if perhaps I need another God

who will not be so reluctant to use His power

in a way that will actually be useful.

He says I am cranky

and when my headache goes away

I will feel better and will remember how to be kind.

I want to punch Him in the nose

but I am too weak,

so I lay there thinking of rude retorts.

“If you really loved me,” I say, “you would take this illness from me

and restore me to my power, so that I might

praise you with a whole heart and serve you with vigor.”

He smiles and says, “I don’t need to prove my love for you,

you don’t need to be powerful,

and you don’t serve me with vigor even when you’re well.”

I feel ashamed and realize I’m not fooling anyone.

So I roll in my blankets, and blow at my nose

and drink his tea gratefully.

Listen, Najat knows how frustrating life can be

when we have no control over things

and Allah will do nothing to help us.

My only consolation is in comparing myself

to those who are really suffering.

and have no voice of their own.

So if you want to complain to Allah about something,

if you want to protest His inaction, or His lack of care,

complain for them.

Whining about yourself will get you nowhere.

Down from Heaven

The imams say that the Christians will be chastised

   by Allah on the Day of Judgment

for preaching that the prophet Jesus

—peace be upon him—is Allah in human form.

I say that the Christians err only in saying

that the prophet Jesus alone

is the incarnation of Allah.

For if all this wide world is illusion

except for the Beloved,

then every child is sent from Allah, and is Allah.

For only in Him do we have any ground to stand on

any reality to boast of

any substance one can touch.

There is no light in our eyes but His.

There is no nose to scrunch that is not, ultimately, His nose.

There is no giggle or cry that is not an expression of His Voice.

There is no sin in saying,

“This baby has come down from Heaven,”

for truly, what child hasn’t?

Responsibility

I am not sure what you want from me.

I cannot drink this water for you.

I cannot chew your food.

I cannot relieve myself on your behalf,

nor can I study to your benefit.

My going to the doctor will not make you well.

I am not being cruel,

I am just telling you the truth.

There are things you must do for yourself.

I can pray until the world ends, but you will not benefit by it.

I can intercede with Allah, but it will bring you no closer to Him.

I can scale the heights of mystic awareness

    but it will not enlighten you even a little bit.

I’m sorry if I seem impatient, but this is simply the way it is.

If you want to grow your soul,

you have to do your own hard work.

So when I say, “have you prayed” and you say “no”

what am I to think? Other than

this is not something you really want.

A strong man’s muscles do not grow big in a day,

but result from long hours of effort,

over many weeks, months, and years.

A wise man does not gain his wisdom

because a jinn poured it into his ear as he slept,

but from a lifetime of observation and study.

It is the same with the soul.

Najat knows this is not what you want to hear,

but sometimes it is kind to say the hard thing.

There is no easy way around this,

and no one can do it for you.

If you will not lift, you cannot ascend.

Your Piety

I have seen you pray in the marketplace

at unprescribed times where everyone will see you.

What are you trying to accomplish?

You might gain a reputation for holiness amongst the widows,

But trust me, my friend,

Allah cares nothing for your piety.

Your prayers do not move Him,

Your almsgiving does not impress Him,

Your pilgrimage wins you no merit in Heaven.

I think you are wasting your time.

So, why, you might ask, did the Prophet

—peace be upon him—command us to practice?

Not to win Allah’s favor,

nor to bolster your dubious reputation

amongst the village folk.

We are commanded to pray, give alms, and go to Mecca

for one reason and one reason only:

to batter down the doors of your stubborn pride.

If you use these things to reinforce those doors,

you are lost.

Listen to Najat, for he will tell you something

that the Imams will never admit.

Allah is only impressed by your willingness to be broken.

What Islam is About

Yesterday I drank coffee with a man

who said he understood everything

about the Prophet—peace be upon him.

When I asked him to explain the Prophet to me

he told me that the Prophet was all about Paradise

and that nothing on this earth was of any value.

I smiled and drank the man’s coffee

and politely did not inform him

that he was an idiot.

The Prophet—peace be upon him—believed in Heaven,

as assuredly as we all do, for the Revelation is clear on this.

But his concern was not for Heaven.

His concern was for the relentless cycle of bloodshed and revenge

that ravaged his people.

His concern was for the widows and orphans that went hungry

while fat men feasted on oxen and grouse.

His concern was to stop the violence

that unchecked pride wrecks upon a village

and erect in its place a Law answerable to justice and love.

That is what Islam is about.

If you want to chase daydreams about Heaven

that’s your affair. But don’t bring the Prophet into it.

Listen to Najat: Allah is not to be found in the sky

or in the afterlife of your fantasies.

Allah is found when you kiss the dust

and surrender all that you have

to another.