Today I am sick and my Beloved offers to make soup until I am better.
I do not want soup.
I want to be well.
I tell Him this and He laughs at me
and offers to fluff my pillow.
He asks me if I need another blanket.
I ask him if perhaps I need another God
who will not be so reluctant to use His power
in a way that will actually be useful.
He says I am cranky
and when my headache goes away
I will feel better and will remember how to be kind.
I want to punch Him in the nose
but I am too weak,
so I lay there thinking of rude retorts.
“If you really loved me,” I say, “you would take this illness from me
and restore me to my power, so that I might
praise you with a whole heart and serve you with vigor.”
He smiles and says, “I don’t need to prove my love for you,
you don’t need to be powerful,
and you don’t serve me with vigor even when you’re well.”
I feel ashamed and realize I’m not fooling anyone.
So I roll in my blankets, and blow at my nose
and drink his tea gratefully.
Listen, Najat knows how frustrating life can be
when we have no control over things
and Allah will do nothing to help us.
My only consolation is in comparing myself
to those who are really suffering.
and have no voice of their own.
So if you want to complain to Allah about something,
if you want to protest His inaction, or His lack of care,
complain for them.
Whining about yourself will get you nowhere.